Life’s Not Fair
I don’t know about y’all, but a common phrase my dad uses is, “Yeah well life isn’t fair!” Anytime my sister or I had the nerve to whine that something wasn’t fair, that was the response we got. I think the older we get, the more we realize the truth in that phrase. Life really isn’t fair.
Since finding out about Christian’s cleft at 17 weeks pregnant, the words “It’s not fair” have been going through my head on repeat. Almost as constant as my own heartbeat, the phrase has been repeated in my head, sometimes so loud and other times hardly noticeable. I’ve thought the words. I’ve cried out the words to my husband. I’ve sobbed the words to myself during my work commute.
“It’s not fair that my baby will be born with a birth defect. It’s not fair that this has sucked the joy out of my pregnancy. It’s not fair that I’m surrounded by women with healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. It’s not fair that my little girl will face a childhood of surgeries and other possible complications. ”
It’s Still Not Fair
Now that Christian is here and we can hold her and love on her, we feel more capable taking on the road ahead. We know we can be strong for her and that she’s our little warrior. And we love her precious face — the thought of changing it breaks my heart. But, just like the beating of my heart, the phrase still repeats. And I still find myself saying the words out loud.
“It’s not fair that this taping is making her face bleed. It’s not fair that this NAM is giving her sores in her mouth. It’s not fair that she’ll spend the month of November with stitches in her face, recovering from surgery. It’s not fair that her first birthday will be spent preparing for or recovering from her second surgery. It’s not fair that those women with healthy babies get to focus solely on the fun milestones of parenthood.”
After almost 8 months of letting this phrase rule my life, I finally had an epiphany: that I’ve been listening to the voice of the enemy. Because you know what else isn’t fair? Infertility. Miscarriages. Children with diseases or birth defects that can’t be cured or repaired. Families going through what we’re going through that don’t have a tribe of family and friends to support them. An innocent man dying on a cross. That’s not fair either — and it makes me realize how lucky I am and all that our family has been given.
So yeah, life really isn’t fair.
But life is beautiful. And we get to decide how we’re going to perceive and experience it. I need to work on discerning the voice of God and quieting the voice of the enemy. I need to make a conscious effort every day to focus on ALL THIS AWESOME GOOD in my life. All these blessings. All this love. Do you ever let yourself get hung up on what’s not fair or what’s not going right? Listen to that Holy Spirit reminding you what all you have to be thankful for.
I’ve gotten so much positive feedback on social media about this post. Thank you to everyone who shared their stories with me. And thank you for reading! I hope this post gave you a chance to focus on the good in your life. Don’t let the voice of the enemy weigh down all you have to be thankful for!