“It’s Not Fair”

Life’s Not Fair

I don’t know about y’all, but a common phrase my dad uses is, “Yeah well life isn’t fair!” Anytime my sister or I had the nerve to whine that something wasn’t fair, that was the response we got. I think the older we get, the more we realize the truth in that phrase. Life really isn’t fair.

Since finding out about Christian’s cleft at 17 weeks pregnant, the words “It’s not fair” have been going through my head on repeat. Almost as constant as my own heartbeat, the phrase has been repeated in my head, sometimes so loud and other times hardly noticeable. I’ve thought the words. I’ve cried out the words to my husband. I’ve sobbed the words to myself during my work commute.

“It’s not fair that my baby will be born with a birth defect. It’s not fair that this has sucked the joy out of my pregnancy. It’s not fair that I’m surrounded by women with healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. It’s not fair that my little girl will face a childhood of surgeries and other possible complications. ”


It’s Still Not Fair

Now that Christian is here and we can hold her and love on her, we feel more capable taking on the road ahead.  We know we can be strong for her and that she’s our little warrior. And we love her precious face — the thought of changing it breaks my heart. But, just like the beating of my heart, the phrase still repeats. And I still find myself saying the words out loud.

“It’s not fair that this taping is making her face bleed. It’s not fair that this NAM is giving her sores in her mouth. It’s not fair that she’ll spend the month of November with stitches in her face, recovering from surgery. It’s not fair that her first birthday will be spent preparing for or recovering from her second surgery. It’s not fair that those women with healthy babies get to focus solely on the fun milestones of parenthood.”

After almost 8 months of letting this phrase rule my life, I finally had an epiphany: that I’ve been listening to the voice of the enemy. Because you know what else isn’t fair? Infertility. Miscarriages. Children with diseases or birth defects that can’t be cured or repaired. Families going through what we’re going through that don’t have a tribe of family and friends to support them. An innocent man dying on a cross. That’s not fair either — and it makes me realize how lucky I am and all that our family has been given.

So yeah, life really isn’t fair.

But life is beautiful. And we get to decide how we’re going to perceive and experience it. I need to work on discerning the voice of God and quieting the voice of the enemy. I need to make a conscious effort every day to focus on ALL THIS AWESOME GOOD in my life. All these blessings. All this love. Do you ever let yourself get hung up on what’s not fair or what’s not going right? Listen to that Holy Spirit reminding you what all you have to be thankful for.


I’ve gotten so much positive feedback on social media about this post. Thank you to everyone who shared their stories with me. And thank you for reading! I hope this post gave you a chance to focus on the good in your life. Don’t let the voice of the enemy weigh down all you have to be thankful for!



  1. Michelle
    October 16, 2018 / 7:31 am

    This is a beautiful post for a beautiful baby girl. My son was born with a bcl&p 21 years ago. I so know what you mean with your words. I have spoken them so.many.times over the years! My boy is great and the light of my life, your sweetie will be ok too. She has an amazing family to teach her how wonderful she is!

    • Aubrey
      October 20, 2018 / 5:25 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words! It’s always comforting finding others who understand what we’re going through!

  2. Gary Loyd
    November 16, 2018 / 10:17 pm

    I had lunch with your Dad today and he told me about your blog. I have spent the last two hours reading all of them….WOW!!
    I wish you could have seen your dads face today when I ask about you and Christian. There was more excitement and bigger smiles and more face rubbing than when I told him about signing a $275,00.00 roofing deal a few months after I went to work for M&M about 10 years ago and that says a lot because your Daddy does like big roofing contracts.

    Your words about your feelings when you first learned about Christian’s birth defect brought back a lot of memories from Dec. 20th 1989 when the doctor told us that my daughter Sarah Bond had Downsyndrome. To make a very long story short she is 27 now and has been the biggest blessing of my life. I love your positive attitude . Christian is very fortunate to have a family like yours to love her through this unfair life. God bless you and your husband and Doug and Kim as you walk this spiritual journey .

    • Aubrey
      November 17, 2018 / 6:09 pm

      I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Sarah once before! She has such a beautiful soul, and I can see how she’d be such a blessing to your family! <3

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